Another exciting round in Fantasy Football found the Booze Hounds with the highest weekly score of 142, thanks to Philadelphia Eagles RB Brian Westbrook. This is a player who wasn’t satisfied with just running for 110 yards with two touchdowns - he went the extra mile by receiving for 111 yards and one touchdown for a total of 40 points in the Booze Hounds favor. Interestingly, the lowest scoring Booze Hound is also a member of the Eagles - TE L.J. Smith contributed absolutely nothing to the team.

Nothing.

The Scallywags suffered their first loss this week to the Hounds, though they also had a 40 point scoring player…the problem? Team manager BCox decided not to play him. “I have a special system for who I choose to play on my team, and who I choose to bench.” Noted BCox. “If I wasn’t running around Phoenix all weekend drinking beers, maybe I would have remembered what that system was…”

Also leaving a 40 point scoring player on the bench this week? Our good friend Ted of The Bob Grolier Show, whose smack talk this week read the same as last: “Tom, your guy looks like he’s trying to squeeze one out.” The problem with the smack talk? He played Colie Gumdrops this week. Fortunately for Ted, the players he picked this week managed to pull out a win against the Gumdrops, who are in the hall of shame with the “Lowest Score of the Week Award”.

“It must be a curse,” said Gumdrops, “I’m losing with Peyton Manning. Eric must have placed a football curse on Manning for whichever team took him.” Hehehe…

Back to football now… specifically the Eagles, who deserve some credit for their game this week in which they demolished Detroit 56-21. It should come as no surprise, therefore, that Donovan McNabb led the QBs this week in points, allowing the Asskickers to kick Feel Good Inc.’s ass down into last place. “Yeah, he totally McNabbed me a bunch of points!” Noted Asskickers manager Jack. “Putting Carl in last place was a total Brees.”

Just above Feel Good Inc. in second to last stands DansDansRevolution. While Tom Brady was the second highest scoring QB with 34 points, and Joseph Addai contributed a decent 20 points to the effort, the rest of Dan’s team was less than helpful, with one member going so far as to tear his ACL during the game on Monday night.

“Deuce McAllister, what a son of a bitch. I swear he did it just to mess with me.” Noted Revolution manager Dan. The team’s 87 point showing wasn’t enough to beat the Fergusons, whose manager Tom got married over the weekend! “I was hungover making picks on Sunday morning,” said Tom, “but after some leftover wedding cake and a shot of whiskey, I was back on track and all set to beat Dan and keep him down where he belongs. Right down there at the bottom of the league. With Carl.

Again, going with the Philadelphia theme, and because I can’t think of another reason to bring them up, Loggin’ Gin scored 8 points with kicker David Ackers, whose contribution was made in PATs, and not field goals. Now with two losses in a row, perhaps it’s time for the team to do a little more loggin’ and a little less gin. “What does that even mean?” Asked manager Ben.

The Tight Ends won against Loggin’ Gin this week, with strong showings from Jon Kitna, Plaxico Buress and Marion Barber III, whose names are all really cool. And that’s not to mention Vernon, Antwaan and Torry. “Yeah, that’s how I pick ‘em” said team manager Zach. “Get the guys with the weird names. Seems to work out.” Zach is considering changing his name to Ufdaloolu.

In a surprisingly high scoring match up between the Roughnecks and the Salary Caps, who both had players mainly on losing teams, the Roughnecks managed to take the win and now lead the league with 351 total points and an undefeated record. “I could have sworn Carson Palmer would be caught in a gay prostitution sting and get banned,” noted Salary Caps manager Nick. “I mean, of all the outlandish claims and strange thoughts in my head that I vocalize, I was sure this one was on the money.” Sorry Nick, maybe next time.

Alright week 4, we’re ready for ya, bring it on!

Rico’s Roughneck’s QB Carson Palmer scored the most individual points this week with an amazing 5 touchdowns and 51 total fantasy points. “I knew I had to give up Peyton this year in order to win it all,” noted Roughneck’s manager Eric. “He and I still keep in touch, but I needed some new talent in order to shake things up a bit.” With the second highest total score of the week, the Roughnecks are a force to be reckoned with as they sit in second place so far for the league.

“Whatever,” noted Feel Good, Inc. manager Carl. “As long as Cleveland beat the Bengals, I don’t care what happens in Fantasy Football….I <sniff> had the second highest scoring <sniff> QB this week…” Carl then rode off on his Huffy bike, holding back tears.

“Unbelievable.” Gumdrops manager Colin was overheard saying. “I’ve got Peyton. I’m in first place in the league. I scored the most points this week…yet Eric manages to make the headline story about the Roughnecks.” Yes, the Gumdrops managed to score the most total points this week, thanks to wide receivers Steve Smith and Chad Johnson (who only scored so many points because of Carson Palmer, I might add). The Gumdrops defeated the Fergusons this week, who are now 0-2 along with DansDansRevolution and Feel Good, Inc.

The two new teams to the league this year, The Bob Grolier Show and JHales Asskickers managed to pull off wins this week despite both losing in week 1. According to Bob Grolier manager Ted, “I let my wiener kid help me with my roster this week, and it seems to have helped.” As far as Asskickers manager Jack: “You can’t help but win games when you have LaDanian Tomlinson. He was my first draft pick, and I’m going to ride him straight to the top!” (Editor’s note: LT only scored 5 points this week).

The third highest scoring QB of the week was Scallywags’ Jake Delhomme, whose 30 points helped with their win against Loggin’ Gin. “What? Fantasy Football is going on?” Noted Scallywags’ manager BCox. “Yeah,” added Loggin’ Gin manager Ben, “We’ve been surfing this whole time…way too busy for football. Hope you losers had fun with the live draft.”

The Salary Caps beat the Fergusons this week, though it wasn’t really a big deal seeing as they both scored well under 100 points. Hardly worth mentioning, actually.

And finally, on to last year’s winner the Booze Hounds (the team formerly known as Rage Against). “I’m trying to keep a low profile this year.” Noted team manager Jesse. “I noticed that Eric stopped producing the Fantasy newsletters when I really started winning. I’ve changed my name, and I’m going to take the loss this week to Grolier and bide my time. I just wish I still had LaDanian Tomlinson…that guy was clutch last year” (Editors note - LT still only scored 5 points this week). 

So there you have it. The site is up, the profiles are coming, the NFL games are in full swing. If only someone would offer to have Monday Night Football games at his house. Then we could all get together and watch the games with some buffalo wings and beer.

This year we finally set up the league in time to get scores in the NFL week 1! The only problem…I wasn’t ready to get this website set up. Oh well, here it is now. We got scoring, just no commentary.